


'Cause Either Way You Cannot Breathe

by wouldbflat



Series: You're My Head, You're My Heart [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Hurt, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27471883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wouldbflat/pseuds/wouldbflat
Summary: A coda to s15e18, because that episode messed all of us up.Also, I use the word 'Cas' way to many times.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Jack Kline & Sam Winchester
Series: You're My Head, You're My Heart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2007910
Comments: 9
Kudos: 78





	'Cause Either Way You Cannot Breathe

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [saying goodbye (is death by a thousand cuts)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27438970) by [AsphodeleSauvage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsphodeleSauvage/pseuds/AsphodeleSauvage). 



> so i just wanted to join the rest of the fandom in writing a coda for this episode, i hope it's not as terrible as i feel it is
> 
> title from Florence +The Machine's "Never Let Me Go"

His phone is buzzing.

_I love you._

It’s annoying.

_I love you._

He shuts it off.

_I love you._

The voice is echoing in his ears, and suddenly Dean is off the ground and sprinting into the library. He’s tearing books off the shelves, looking for something, anything, to bring Cas back to him. He’s ripping through the shelves, pulling off every single book. There’s nothing else around him but the books, the answers to bring Cas back, to sa-

Dean jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Dean what the hell?” A voice says, and the small part of his brain that isn’t repeating _Cas Cas Cas Cas_ over and over again, realizes that it’s Sam talking.

“What’s going on?” Sam asks. “Where’s Cas?”

Cas. He knows Cas.

“Cas,” he gasps out. “He’s-he’s he’s-“ and suddenly Dean is gasping for air. He can’t breathe _hecan’tbreathe_ because Cas took everything with him when he ~~died~~ left and Dean doesn’t have anything left-

He lets the darkness overwhelm him, thinking maybe he’ll see Cas again.

* * *

Dean wakes up in his bed, wondering how he got there. He looks over to see Sam, asleep in a chair next to him. He wonders again what's going on, before it all comes crashing into his brain.

 _Cas,_ he thinks, letting out a choked sob. He quickly looks over to Sam to make sure his little brother didn't wear, but Sam only stirs in his sleep. 

Heart aching, Dean stumbles out of bed and into the kitchen. He can't deal with this sober. 

He pours himself a shot, then another, then clumsily a third. 

Then he's off, stumbling towards the library again. His eyes catch on the clock on the way out. 

2:43 AM.

Good, Sam won't be up for hours. Especially not after the day they've had.

Thoughts of Cas threaten to rise up again, but Dean pushes them down. 

Not yet.

Dean keeps digging though the library, skimming the books for something, anything that can bring Cas back.

He's starting to lose hope, when a thought hits him. 

They have the Book of the Damned.

Dean shudders as he pulls it out, trying not to remember what it cost.

Luckily, Sam has left his and Rowena's notes inside, so Dean doesn't have to bother translating. 

He reads the spell once, twice, then three times, not wanting to miss anything.

He needs salt, a bowl and a fire, his own blood and-

His heart drops.

_Blood from the Nephilim the Angel is related to._

Jack doesn't have his powers anymore, and even if he did, he's not a blood relative of Cas. 

Dean sits down in a chair, shakily running his hands through his hair. 

He doesn't know what to do, can't just leave Cas there, he needs to do something, anything-

His eyes fall on the bloody handprint Cas left on his arm. 

Maybe...

Cas raised Dean from Hell, didn't he? Cas remade hid body, atom by atom, cell by cell.

It might work. _It has to work_.

He pours the salt in the bowl and drips his own blood in, does he need to do it twice? Dean decides just once will be enough. He'll redo it if it's not. He'll do it a thousand times; every day of his life if it means bringing Cas back.

"... berestored links nostri. Redi ad lucem, in qua te pertinet!" Dean drops the match in the bowl, watching the ingredients catch on fire.

For a second, noting happens. Dean looks around the Bunker, his heart sinking. Then he hears it.

That gross, slimy sound that indicates The Empty is near.

He spins around, ready to throw his arms around Cas, but is met with the sight of-

"Meg?"

Meg rolls her eyes. "Why I even took this form, I don't know. It was amusing to watch all of you run around in confusion, but now it's plain annoying."

Dean narrows his eyes in recognition. "You're the Empty."

It smirks at him. "Ding ding ding, we have a winner!" It says sarcastically. "Now, let me guess. You want your little angel back."

Dean opens his mouth, but before he can get a word out, it's interrupting him. 

"Sorry, hot stuff. That can't happen; he made a deal with me, remember? You of all people know how binding deals are."

Dean tried to reign in his temper. "Bring him back," he grinds out.

The Empty tilts its head. "Now why would I do that?"

"Because I will try every day. I will recast this spell every, single day of my life. You want to sleep? Well, good luck with that."

The Empty's eyes widen a bit before it regains its composure. "You think that's going to convince me? Sorry hot stuff, but it is so, so easy to ignore simple summoning spells when I'm really asleep. And I will be, once we finish this pointless conversation."

"What about Chuck?" Dean asks quickly.

"What about him?"

"You think he's going to let you sleep?" Dean asks. "He already absorbed Amara. You killed Billie. You are the only thing left in his way to becoming the most powerful."

The Empty tilts its head, considering. "And how would your precious angel help with that?"

"Because Chuck can't control Cas." Dean answers. He sees the Empty raise a skeptical eyebrow, but pushes ahead. "He can control me, can control Sam and Jack. Cas is the only one not under his control."

The Empty stares at him, thinking. "Fine. You can have your angel back."

Dean opens his mouth, to thank her, to cry, he doesn't know. But before he can get a sound out, she holds up a finger. 

"You can have him, but you need to get him yourself. I'm oh so tired, I can't go through and look for him myself." She smirks at Dean, daring him to argue.

He doesn't hesitate. "Fine." he agrees. "But let me write a note to Sam."

The Empty rolls its eyes. "You have 30 seconds."

Dean scrambles around for a scraps of paper.

He finds one on a bookshelf, and contemplates what to write to Sam.

"Fifteen seconds!" The Empty calls out.

Dean settles on a simple message, knowing his little brother will understand what he really means.

Dean takes one last look around the Bunker, before he steps into the darkness that is the Empty. 

Behind him, he leaves his note:

_See you soon, bitch._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to rant in the comments about that episode, God knows I spent a lot of time doing it.


End file.
